Oct. 9th, 2010 04:33 pm
rightangles: (Default)
Awhile back, Moby Dick appeared on a list of the top gay novels ever. I'd never read it, and I remember thinking, "What the fuck? Why is this on here?"

Today, on the GRE, there was a passage from Moby Dick, and now I know why it made the list:
Squeeze! squeeze! squeeze! all the morning long; I squeezed that sperm till I myself almost melted into it; I squeezed that sperm till a strange sort of insanity came over me; and I found myself unwittingly squeezing my co-laborers' hands in it, mistaking their hands for the gentle globules. Such an abounding, affectionate, friendly, loving feeling did this avocation beget; that at last I was continually squeezing their hands, and looking up into their eyes sentimentally; as much as to say,- Oh! my dear fellow beings, why should we longer cherish any social acerbities, or know the slightest ill-humor or envy! Come; let us squeeze hands all round; nay, let us all squeeze ourselves into each other; let us squeeze ourselves universally into the very milk and sperm of kindness.

Would that I could keep squeezing that sperm for ever! For now, since by many prolonged, repeated experiences, I have perceived that in all cases man must eventually lower, or at least shift, his conceit of attainable felicity; not placing it anywhere in the intellect or the fancy; but in the wife, the heart, the bed, the table, the saddle, the fire-side; the country; now that I have perceived all this, I am ready to squeeze case eternally. In thoughts of the visions of the night, I saw long rows of angels in paradise, each with his hands in a jar of spermaceti.
That's like porn, amirite?!

PS: I should mention that 'sperm,' in this case at least, refers to spermaceti, a by-product from whales used for various products. Like perfume, I think. But still! This passage showed up on the GRE, and the little note about 'spermaceti' wasn't until the end of the passage, and I literally had to stop myself thrice while reading it so I didn't start giggling like a schoolgirl.